Young, Stupid and Greedy AKA “Locked Up Abroad”

“I was an honors student who had never been in any trouble”. So far, after watching over a dozen episodes of the show, “Locked Up Abroad” on the National Geographic Channel, that’s my favorite line.

In case you’re never seen the show, let me break it down for you. There are two different types of stories covered – young, stupid, greedy American’s who get caught in foreign countries doing illegal mess; and innocent, naive aka stupid people (mostly American’s) who get caught up in the midst of civil unrest, crime and cases of mistaken identity. I tend to watch the young, stupid and greedy episodes because they’re funnier. If you get a chance, check it out for the sheer comedy. The new season of stupidity begins this Wednesday night at 10pm EST.

The episodes that I watch feature young, stupid and greedy American’s (typically white folks – hmmm…..) that are convinced, lured and/or romanced into traveling to foreign countries with the intention of smuggling drugs back to the U.S. Huh? Come again. Unh huh, innocent, pure white bread folks that take trips to 2nd and 3rd world countries and attempt to smuggle drugs out of said country. We’re not talking about Paris, London, Prague, or Milan. No, no, no, drug smuggling is too difficult in countries like that. These idiots are going to places like Cuzco (that’s in Peru in case you didn’t know – even this geography nerd had to look that one up), Bangladesh, Ecuador, Pakistan, the Philippines and the list goes on and on.

Folks are agreeing to an all expense paid “vacation” to these places for 5-14 days, receiving spending money and the promise of a payday between 5K-25K when they return to the States. While in country, they are either told to hang out and enjoy themselves; or stay sequestered in their hotel room waiting for "the call". There are SO many things wrong with this scenario that I can't believe their are enough idiots to have a tv series.

Drug smuggling? Seriously? Most of these people are vulnerable and idiotic college students, so you can imagine that the lure of 25 grand is enough to make them think that going to a foreign country to smuggle drugs is a brilliant idea. They’ve got a better chance of safely selling drugs in their own neighborhoods or college campuses. Nope, why start small? Let’s just jump right into international smuggling. Rrriiiggghhhttt!

25 Grand? Or even worse, the ones that agree to 5 Grand. For real? That’s enough to risk going to prison or worse? Dude, prisons in the U.S. are bad enough. Trust me, I've visited a few. Are you really interested in a long term stay at 3rd world prison? Can you imagine the conditions of the cells, the bathroom facilities and the unspeakable ghoulash? Yick. I’ll pass.

Let’s discuss “foreign justice”. The phrase itself is an oxymoron. The laws in some countries are so archaic that you might get arrested for making eye contact with a chicken. So, in a place where even the most mundane activity could potentially be illegal, these silly rabbits decide to jump all the way up the criminal code and attempt to smuggle drugs out? Brilliant. But, like all idiots, these folks think that their plan is that much better than the rest. Rrriiiggghhhttt!

And lest we forget that we’re speaking of countries where most of the population doesn’t speak English. Unh huh, another remarkably intelligent facet of the plan. If something happens, would you even understand what is happening around you? Are you allowed to have a lawyer in this country? If you get one, can you communicate with each other? Rrriiiggghhhttt!

An episode that I saw over the weekend featured a chick named Lia McCord from Texas. Lia was 18 years old, estranged from family, living with friends, enticed by 20K to smuggle heroin from Bangladesh to Switzerland aka STUPID!

Can you guess how the story ends? She spends 2 weeks in Bangladesh before her contact gives her the drugs. She changes her mind but it’s too late and she’s “scared of what he’ll do to me”. Remember the brilliant plan? Not so brilliant because during a strip search at the airport, the authorities discover the 7 lbs of heroin that she is trying to conceal using 2 girdles and electrical tape. SHOCKING!

Of course at this point, she’s scared silly. *lol* Ya think? Yes chicky, now is a good time to get scared.

Lia confesses and gives up her contact. She’s held to await trail, the U.S. Embassy says there’s nothing they can do to help. Eight months later, she’s convicted of possessing narcotics and smuggling and sentenced to LIFE IN PRISON? Say that again? Yep, ya heard me, LIFE IN PRISON. The judge could have given her the death penalty, but since she didn’t seem like a “habitual smuggler”, he let her off. Her family and friends back home start writing and calling their congressional reps. Finally, Congressman Bill Richardson intervenes on her behalf and after serving 4.5 years, she is released.

Oh, and she never got her 20 grand. Dumb ass!