Comedy Hour with LuLu The Great

Hey ya’ll! If you’re a regular reader (do I still have any after my long hiatus? *lol*), you’ve heard me talk about my grandmother, who I call LuLu. She and are great friends, and she is one of the funniest people I know. And of course, she’s not even trying to be funny. A few of our other conversations can be found here and here. I called her last night to tell her that I would be coming to New York next weekend. My wonderful god-daughter will be graduating from Seton Hall University on May 12th, so I figured I would spend the weekend in NY with the fam, attend graduation on Monday and come on back home after the party. After doing some quick calculations on gas, tolls and the wear & tear on my trusty set of wheels, I decided to take the bus. Attention East Coaster’s, check out the Bolt Bus. It’s a new service launched by Greyhound to compete with the cheap, quick (and a touch dangerous!) Chinese busses that were killing the transport game between NY and DC. So, your girl booked a roundtrip ticket from DC to NYC for $15.50. Add that to the $12.50 roundtrip train fare between Penn Station and Long Island and my whole trip will only cost me $28.00. YES!!

Anyways, I called my grandmother to tell her that I was coming and here’s how our conversation went:

Me: Hey LuLu!
LuLu: Hey baby! Ain’t your goddaughter graduating from college soon, up here in New Jersey? You coming to see me?
Me: I sure am. Next weekend.
LuLu: This weekend?
Me: No, Grandma. Next weekend.
LuLu: Oh, for Mother’s Day. How nice. You driving by yourself?
Me: I was, but I decided to take the bus.

**SILENCE**

Me: Grandma?
LuLu: I’m here, I was just thinking about them buses. You be careful. Take and pin your money in your bra so them pickpockets won’t get you.
Me: Uh, ok, I’ll be sure to do that.
LuLu: And don’t be wearing no cute clothes. You know them pedophiles hang out at the bus stations looking for women to mess with.
Me: Pedophiles? LuLu, I’m 31, so I’m pretty sure I don’t have to worry about pedophiles.
LuLu: What did I just tell you? I watch Dateline girl and they be catching them predatoring women everywhere! There are pedophiles hiding everywhere and you better watch out of that there bus.
Me: Um, yes ma’am, I heard you and I'll be careful.

LuLu: You better. I don't want to have to kill me one of those nasty men for hurting my baby.

Me: Yes ma'am.

So, next weekend, I’ll be the only 31 year old woman, with her money pinned inside her bra, wearing the homeliest, most unflattering outfit she could find. I can’t no listen to LuLu’s law!