Requiem for a Friendship
I love Christmas Music. Did ya'll hear me? Seriously, I have over 500 Xmas mp3's. An assortment of Whitney, Toni, Donny, the Boys Choir of Harlem, Luther, Mariah, N'Sync (hush, they were soulful on their xmas album), the Ohio Players, the Temptations, Kenny G, New Edition, SWV and many, many others fill my speakers from Thanksgiving morning until 11:59pm Christmas night.
I've got 2 mp3 CD's in the car, so at any give time, I have 300 tunes playing at random. This morning, "Silver Bells" by A Few Good Men. Does anyone other than me even remember this group? I think they had one CD of their own, but they were featured on "A La Face Family Christmas" CD that came out in 1993. Bet'cha didn't even know La Face had a Christmas CD!
Anyway, I was exposed to this song through an old friend who we'll call Beanie. Beanie and I met during my first year in college. The New Yorker (me) and the Southerner by way of Richmond, VA (her) bonded immediately and by our second year, she and I were as thick as thieves. Very different, but we had forged such a deep friendship because we were both very easygoing and we LOVED to laugh. At the end of our third year, we had a falling out. Funny but I don't even remember what it was about now. Isn't that silly? Whatever it was, we obviously thought it was serious enough to not speak for a year.
We reconnected and fell back into our old rhythm. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, well you all know how it goes. After graduation, Beanie landed a job in Northern Virginia. She didn't have enough money to get her own place, so my parents offered our home to her. But it's all good, cause we're homies, right? I'd had (and still have) the same best friend (Diamond Diva) for years. We each had a "best" friend outside of our friendship, but we were roommates and "everyday" friends, which is different.
Fast forward a year and a half - Beanie's dating a jerk (Army Boy)and moves out to live with him. Uh, ok, you're grown and I can't stop you. You're my girl, so even if I don't like him, I'll suck it up for the peace within our friendship. Fast forward 1 year - coincidentally, my husband and I move into an apartment in NW Washington, across the street from Beanie and Army Boy. Beanie interviews and gets a job at the company I work for. Geez, the four of us are together too damn much! *lol*
Fast forward 1 more year - Beanie's best friend calls to ask me what I'd be getting Beanie and Army Boy for their wedding anniversary. **blinking rapidly while listening to the crickets** Come again? Wedding? Beanie and Army Boy? Uh, I guess we weren't quite as close as it seemed. We only went to work and came home together, shopped together, ate dinner most nights together, traveled together and shared holidays together. Hell, sorry for the TMI, but that heifer knew when my Aunt Flo came and went. I was hurt and I felt like our friendship was being played out through a lie. How can you look me in the face and not share something SO BIG? Even if it was a spur of the moment Vegas type thing, wouldn't you call me once the deed was done? She let a whole year go by and she never said a word. I could go into more details but this entry would be 100 pages long. Ya'll get the drift.
So, since I'm so good at keeping my emotions and anger in check *lmao*, I confronted her. Many, many things were said that should never be said in the heat of an argument. The kind of things that you can't take back when you both calm down. The kind of words and well aimed jabs that "sorry" can't erase. The kind of wounds that stay infected even after they've scabbed over and appear to be healed.
So, I often think of Beanie and the parts of our friendship that were good, while trying to not think about why and how it ended. I was bitter, but I'm past that now. I find it especially hard during the holidays because we used to enjoy them together. This song, "Silver Bells" by A Few Good Men, was her favorite Christmas Song. Not my favorite, but it meant something to her; so now when I hear it, I turn it up loud, sing along with the brothers and say a prayer that my old friend is well. She's out of my life, but not forgotten.
I've got 2 mp3 CD's in the car, so at any give time, I have 300 tunes playing at random. This morning, "Silver Bells" by A Few Good Men. Does anyone other than me even remember this group? I think they had one CD of their own, but they were featured on "A La Face Family Christmas" CD that came out in 1993. Bet'cha didn't even know La Face had a Christmas CD!
Anyway, I was exposed to this song through an old friend who we'll call Beanie. Beanie and I met during my first year in college. The New Yorker (me) and the Southerner by way of Richmond, VA (her) bonded immediately and by our second year, she and I were as thick as thieves. Very different, but we had forged such a deep friendship because we were both very easygoing and we LOVED to laugh. At the end of our third year, we had a falling out. Funny but I don't even remember what it was about now. Isn't that silly? Whatever it was, we obviously thought it was serious enough to not speak for a year.
We reconnected and fell back into our old rhythm. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, well you all know how it goes. After graduation, Beanie landed a job in Northern Virginia. She didn't have enough money to get her own place, so my parents offered our home to her. But it's all good, cause we're homies, right? I'd had (and still have) the same best friend (Diamond Diva) for years. We each had a "best" friend outside of our friendship, but we were roommates and "everyday" friends, which is different.
Fast forward a year and a half - Beanie's dating a jerk (Army Boy)and moves out to live with him. Uh, ok, you're grown and I can't stop you. You're my girl, so even if I don't like him, I'll suck it up for the peace within our friendship. Fast forward 1 year - coincidentally, my husband and I move into an apartment in NW Washington, across the street from Beanie and Army Boy. Beanie interviews and gets a job at the company I work for. Geez, the four of us are together too damn much! *lol*
Fast forward 1 more year - Beanie's best friend calls to ask me what I'd be getting Beanie and Army Boy for their wedding anniversary. **blinking rapidly while listening to the crickets** Come again? Wedding? Beanie and Army Boy? Uh, I guess we weren't quite as close as it seemed. We only went to work and came home together, shopped together, ate dinner most nights together, traveled together and shared holidays together. Hell, sorry for the TMI, but that heifer knew when my Aunt Flo came and went. I was hurt and I felt like our friendship was being played out through a lie. How can you look me in the face and not share something SO BIG? Even if it was a spur of the moment Vegas type thing, wouldn't you call me once the deed was done? She let a whole year go by and she never said a word. I could go into more details but this entry would be 100 pages long. Ya'll get the drift.
So, since I'm so good at keeping my emotions and anger in check *lmao*, I confronted her. Many, many things were said that should never be said in the heat of an argument. The kind of things that you can't take back when you both calm down. The kind of words and well aimed jabs that "sorry" can't erase. The kind of wounds that stay infected even after they've scabbed over and appear to be healed.
So, I often think of Beanie and the parts of our friendship that were good, while trying to not think about why and how it ended. I was bitter, but I'm past that now. I find it especially hard during the holidays because we used to enjoy them together. This song, "Silver Bells" by A Few Good Men, was her favorite Christmas Song. Not my favorite, but it meant something to her; so now when I hear it, I turn it up loud, sing along with the brothers and say a prayer that my old friend is well. She's out of my life, but not forgotten.
posted by TDJ | 11:48 PM
11 Comments:
Aww, that's a tough one. Maybe you could send her a Christmas card. Just think about it.
Angie, my husband suggested the same thing. Not sure how I feel about that. Hmm...
WOW... damn she ain't NOT TELL U SHE GOT MARRIED???? *she wasn't wearing no ring?* seeing as though ya'll was damn near housemates!!!! I think you mighta noticed that but damn.. that's trife.. Ok I'm sorry but Ummm I would have to think on that christmas card.. cause it would be like you were giving in not the bigger person.. *sigh*.. but then again.. oh never mind LOL
*can I get a dub on that christmas music* :) thank you in advance LOL
i OWN the laface xmas cd, thank you very much! LOL
That's really, really odd that she didn't tell you she'd gotten married. and the friend who called to ask what you'd get for their anniversary was also a year late. shoulda called 12 months earlier to ask what you were getting for their "wedding!"
@ BK Diva - Nope, no ring other significant change in her jewelry. And yes, I'm conflicted on the card/note. Not sure if I want to be the bigger person. *lol*
@Summer - You own it? *lol* I think we're the only 2! Yeah, a call when I was blatantly absent at the "wedding" would have been nice.
Some people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Pick where she falls. :-)
I like what tndrhrt said. Good luck with what you decided I know it's not easy.
As you know, I'm a big fan of Christmas music as well. I own the LaFace Christmas CD too. That makes me, you and Summer. Three people! Hee.
I'm with tndrhrt too -- if this is a friendship you miss and value and if you think you can truly get past the icky stuff from your past -- reach out to your friend. Be the bigger person -- tis the season for giving and FORgiving.
I just bought Putamayo's "New Orleans Christmas." Made me smile BIG TIME!
Now...reach out. Be the bigger person.
Wow. The overwhelming sentiment seems to be I should reach out. Hmm...let me think it that.
OK i know i'm all late on this one but the title just caught my eye so i had to read. When you confronted her, did she ever say WHY she didn't tell you? Friendships are like ice cream scoops on a cone... it hurts when one drops off, but you can be sure you can get another one. (i just made that up! ;-)
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