Did I Miss Something?

I think I'm pretty well connected to the world around me. My cell is on during the ride to work. I have email accounts with yahoo, hotmail and gmail. Then of course I have email and a fax machine at work. I always check the text messages on my phone. Once I get home, I empty the mailbox and read all the contents. Once in the house, I check the phone for messages. I read the Washington Post and CNN daily. Most days I watch the local news and the national evening news. I keep a calendar with all the important events, meetings and community functions that I'm scheduled to attend.

So, with all those ways of getting my attention, how in the hell did I miss the memo? Where was I when the email came through saying that I'm not supposed to like Beyonce? How'd I miss the call to tell me that she really isn't that pretty? Did my fax eat the memo declaring that she's untalented? Did my Razr phone delete the text message must telling me to boycott Dreamgirls because she's in it? Did my husband forget to tell me that we were invited to attend a Pop Culture Voting party to decide how we felt about B?

Everyone has the right to their opinion. And it seems that the popular opinion of the moment is to not like Beyonce. She overrated, she doesn't sing that well, her performances are average, her acting is laughable, her body is odd shaped, why is she dating Jay-Z, House of Derion clothes are ugly, etc. I happen to like Miss Beyonce.

Argh! Don't stone me! I can like her and I'm not afraid to say it. I don't think she's the next coming of Aretha Franklin or Whitney Houston, but who says she has to be? She's more talented than the foolishness that is Cierra or Cassie. I like Beyonce's youthful energy, her live performances are wonderful and her voice is becoming stronger. She's shown a bit of business savvy (or surrounding herself with folks who make her look it) by starting her clothing line (I hear that a cosmetics line is on the way). I commend the marketing and public relations team who work for her and Sony, because they are doing one hell of job keeping her out there. From music to movies, from magazines to television appearances, from her current search for female dancers to simply being photographed while shopping, they keep that young lady in our faces. Ahha! Maybe that's it. Ya'll are seeing so much of her that you've had enough? I guess that would make the assumption that at one point you actually liked her, but oversaturation has dulled your ardor. Hmm, kinda like saying that I liked my husband alot, but once we moved in together, I was seeing him too much and now I've had enough. Crazy, but I guess it happens. *lol*

To hear folks tell it, Beyonce can't sing, dance, act, walk, talk or chew gum. Wow! All those opinions over little ole B? I guess that means she has really made it. If the public can't stop talking about 'cha, baby, you're a star!

(photo courtesy of Ms. YBF)

Live Each Day to the Fullest

Hey there Blog World! I hope that everyone had a peaceful and wonderful Thanksgiving.

Just heard that one of my favorite authors, Bebe Moore Campbell, passed away today, Monday, November 27, 2006. The first novel that I read by Ms. Campbell was, "Sweet Summer: Growing Up With and Without My Dad.", during the summer of 1991. My parents and I had moved from Long Island, New York to Alexandria, Virginia. I was away from my family, my friends and all my wonderful memories, but Ms. Campbell's novel slid into a void that I didn't know how to fill. Since my mother was a reader of all the available African American fiction at the time (Gloria Naylor, Terri McMillan, etc), I was familiar with them, but they felt "old". Ms. Campbell's fresh voice and detailed storytelling amazed me. Through the years, I've enjoyed all her novels. Her characters were increasing complicated and human, the storylines well written and layered, and the themes as varied as ever.

Back in March when I read that she was taking a break from the her appearances due to a "neurological condition that will require her full attention for recovery", I sent a card with prayers and well wishes. I was confident that I'd be reading a new novel in no time at all.
It wasn't to be.

Rest in peace Ms. Campbell. The wonderful body of work that you have written will forever remain and continue to touch the lives of your readers.

Something I Can Feel

Growing up in a household where music was supreme, I grew to love good music at an early age. My dad played drums in a popular, local band. They even opened a few concerts for national groups at the time like the Stylistics and the Delfonics. My father, mother and I sang around the house constantly and there was always music playing. I love, love, love music. I like all genres, as long as it moves me. I need to believe that you really love him and don't want him to leave. I gotta really feel that you're heartbroken that she's gone. I need to understand how much you want to make love tonight. I want to feel the beat so intense that I must dance - whether in my car, at the club or in my bedroom in my jammies! Music can make a bad day feel like a distant memory. It can enhnace some of lifes most beautiful moments. Every song that I hear to tied to a year, a specific place, person, thing or event. It's like the soundtrack to life.

My parents loved Motown and everything 60's, so that's in my soul. My favorite older cousin was a dance/disco head, so that's in my heart. I am a child of the eighties, so the decade where anybody could be a one hit wonder still makes me smile. I was around during the birth of rap/hip hop (or whatever term you fancy) so that's in my psyche. MTV was all there was for many years so I'm also a little country and a little bit rock and roll. Ten songs that recently played on my IPOD:

1. These Arms of Mine - Otis Redding
2. She's Gone - Hall and Oates
3. Until it Happens to You - Corrine Bailey Rae
4. Cappuccino - MC Lyte
5. So Much Love Here - B Angie B
6. We're Still Friends - Donny Hathaway
7. Isn't She Lovely - Stevie Wonder
8. Encore - Jay-Z
9. No Happy Holidays - Mary J. Blige
10. Last Night a DJ Saved My Life - Indeep

Yep, ya girl is all over the place and I love it. You'll notice no current rap/hip hop on there with the exception of Jigga. Overall, I'm pretty disappointed with hip hop music over the last 3-5 years; again, with the exception of Jigga. There are a few folks that I like - Common, The Roots, a little L.L., a little Busta, and a random sprinkling of other songs. But, in general, that's not my first love right now.

However, I love Jay! So focused, intense, talented, business savvy and a hell of an MC. I love about 80% of the music he makes. Even when I don't like the beat, I usually can respect the creativity and the wordplay. He's not conventionally attractive, but there's something about the confidence of his swagger.

On my way in to work this morning, I was listening to the new Jay-Z CD. Yes, it's a bootleg. Don't shoot me. I'll still be buying it on November 21st, but I just couldn't wait to hear it. It's hot! And, I hope this will usher in the beginning of "Grown Up Hip Hop". Of course the lyrics run the gamut, but the overwhelming feeling that I get from the album is, "I'm a grown ass man, dog, and I still love hip hop."

I like tracks 1-8 and 13, 9 and 10 will need to grow on me, don't like 11 and 14, and 13 is a great for putting some folks on blast. One of my favorites is a track entitled, "30 something", in which he compares the 38 year old that he is today to the youngsta that he was and to the youngsta's of today. For example, in one line he says, I'm young enough to know which cars are hot, but old enough to not put chrome on em. (Haven't listened closely enough to get the lyrics exactly right. Sorry!) The chorus reminds us that 30 is the new 20. :) Yeah, I'm definitely feeling the new Jay-Z CD. I love it when new music gives me that feeling!

Diary of An Addiction

It all started back in 1992. May 21, 1992 to be exact. As my junior year in high school was coming to a close, I had thoughts of senior year, SATS, prom and college filling my head. At that time, the amount of television I watched was minimal. But, I did have my favorites. Part of my addiction can be blamed on those shows.

I think if my three favorite television loves at the time had not ended, maybe I wouldn't have been so vulnerable. The Cosby's had been a part of my television landscape for so long that saying goodbye was bittersweet. I still wanted to watch their stories, but even I knew we'd never love Cousin Pam, Olivia and the twins, Nelson and Winnie, the way that we did Sandra, Denise, Theo, Vanessa and Rudy. Claire and Cliff were still themselves, but they kind of felt like ringleaders trying to corral a 2nd rate circus. At the time, I liked "A Different World" because it felt a little like "The Cosby Show", but I didn't love it yet. It took me going to college, to actually love it. *lol* So, on April 30, 1992 all the Cosby's said goodbye.

A mere 9 days later, my favorite ladies exited TVland. Sophia, Dorothy, Blanche and Rose had made me laugh and cry for years. Although a bit of the sexual humor went over my teenage head, I got the gist of it! The thought of never hearing another St. Olaf story from Rose was almost heartbreaking. "The Golden Girls" still keep me laughing in reruns.

As if those two weren't enough, one of my first action heroes was Richard Dean Anderson, aka, MacGyver. I don't know, but there was something about him that glued me to the tv screen. So, on May 21, 1992 when he said goodbye to tv world, I almost cried.

So, there I was, mourning the loss of three of my favorite shows when I started to channel surf. Purely by accident, coincedence or cosmic intervention, I stumbled onto, "This is the true story, of seven strangers, picked to live in a house, work together and have their lived taped, to find out what happens when people stop being polite, and start getting real. The Real World".

Instantly, these seven captivated me and millions of others. The roommates included Heather B, the rapper and person most likely to tell it like it is; Julie, the sheltered naive girl from Birmingham who was shocked by the big city and the antics of her roommates, and of course Kevin Powell, the writer and social thinker, with a much bigger future than anyone else on that show.

That show pulled me in - hook, line and sinker! And I'm been caught up ever since. Reality television was a drug and this sista was addicted. If it's a reality show (minues dating shows), odds are ya girl is watching it. *lol* So, without further ado, let us join the Reality Television Junkies Anonymous Meeting already in progress:

Hi Room, I'm TDJ. I'm a reality television addict and I need some help. It's filling my DVR machine and taking up countless hours of my time. Look at all the shows I've watched faithfully or am currently watching:

Reality Shows TDJ Watched or is Currently Watching

Real World
Road Rules
The Amazing Race
Survivor
Big Brother
Dancing with the Stars
Top Chef
Next Food Network Star
Next HGTV Design Star
Newlyweds
The Surreal Life
Making the Band
The Biggest Loser
American Idol
Project Runway
The Apprentice
America's Next Top Model
The Contender
Celebrity Fit Club
Made
Hell's Kitchen
Airline
Fraternity Life
Sorority Life
AmericaCasinoon
Amish in the City
The 70's House
The Mole

Good gracious! I wish I'd never "met" Heather, Julie, Kevin, Eric, Norm, Andre or Becky, in their cute NYC loft on May 21, 1992. Maybe, just maybe, if I hadn't had that first taste, I wouldn't be addicted now.

One of the Last Girls on Earth

If you desire to get married and you are dating someone who keeps promising that it will happen, how long is too long to wait? I mean is there a point when you decide that you waited long enough? Do you ever consider that it really is "about him" and not "about you"?

One of my newest friends, let's call her Cali Girl, has been in my life for about 5 years. I refer to her as new because all my friends prior to meeting her were from childhood, high school or first year of college. I love meeting new people, but it's very hard for me to bring them into my life as a "friend". I've been trying to be more open and thanks to a few ladies in the Blogosphere, I'm starting to make new friends. :)

Anyways, Cali Girl and I clicked and we've been friends for a few years now. Well, unbeknownst to me at the time our friendship was conceived, Cali Girl likes drama. Some might even say she craves it. AAGGHH!!! Drama? Around me? No, No, NO!! Ya girl TDJ avoids drama at all costs! So, anyway, Cali Girl and her man have been together for 10 years and they have a 5 year old son. They've been getting married "when the time is right" for 10 years. (In the interest of full disclosure, MJ and I started dating in high school and waited 10+ years to marry.) Now, I've met the man and I'm pretty sure that he's pinch hitting for both teams.

Pause. Breathe. Read it again. Yes, Cali Girl's boo is clearly bisexual. I suspected it based on many, many interactions, the confirmation of the bros at the beauty/barber shop that we all used to frequent, and independent confirmation from a male associate that called to share details on the new "friend" in his life. Da hell? CG's boo is on the DL in DC?

Alrightee then. So, Cali Girl's boo is definitely bisexual! Hmm, they've been together ten years. Does she know? Maybe she does. Does she care? Maybe she doesn't. Should I be the one to break it to her? Where's her sister? Her best friend from kindergarten? Why the hell don't they see it? I gently hinted around it once and Cali Girl's response was blank and difficult to interpret. However, her excitement bubbled through the phone this past Sunday when shared how excited she was that they were talking about getting married in 2012? What da hell? What are they organizing - the 2012 Olympics or a wedding/marriage? I guess hope springs eternal when you're crazy in love. Or maybe she just feels like one of the last girls on earth.

I Know You Are, But What Am I?

"Let's agree to respect each other's views, no matter how wrong yours may be"

After all, isn't that the attitude out here in the Blogosphere? I've been visiting blogs for a few weeks now, before deciding to start one of my own. I especially like blogs that promote communication and open discussion between the commenters and with the writer of the blog. Ya know, good old fashioned dialogue, new generation style. *lol*

The one thing that bothers me is the bickering. It seems as though people are easily offended (by strangers, mind you) and take general comments very personally. Huh? You mean someone that you've never met, won't ever meet unless your lucky (or unlucky), and doesn't know you from the man in the moon has hurt your feelings? I just don't get it. So I guess the next time I'm floating through the Blogosphere, I'll prepare myself to be personally offended by anyone who:

• doesn't believe in marraige
• thinks that all New Yorkers are rude
• doesn't like Washington, D.C.
• thinks plus size women are unattractive

So let's say that I'd been on welfare in the past, would I take offense to any statement where someone disagreed with the welfare program? Let's say that I was a single mom, would I take offense to anyone who said that they were waiting to be married to have a child? Or better yet, if I was in my second or third marraige, should I take offense to someone who mentions that their marraige is going to last forever?

I could go on and on. My point ( I tend to wander at times *lol*) is that we're not all identical. We've experienced different things in our lives that have shaped the people we've become. I don't know about ya'll, but I LOVE meeting different kinds of people. We may not agree on everything, but I'd love to have a lively discussion with you. Your unique opinions are yours and yours alone. And guess what? We can disgree and neither of us is wrong. But, like Ms. Creole Princess said "Stoopit people have no room in my world." Couldn't have said it better myself!

No Photoshop Needed

Ok, so I've changed my picutre/avatar. The original avatar that I used was from Yahoo and I selected it because I thought the outfit was cute. This morning one of my girlfriends, let's call her CSI, looked at the blog for the first time and said: "Who's that skinny white girl?" *LOL* Uh, that's supposed to me be!

So, in an effort to choose a picture that's more representative of my beautiful, big girl curves, I've changed to the pic you now see. It was in the "Apperance" section of Yahoo Avatars, under "Plus Sizes." Well, yeah, it's bigger than the teeny weeny girls, but real Plus Size it's not.

Anyway, CSI and I laughed about it because we are both beautiful, sexy, plus sized women. Never have it said that I tried to hide behind a skinny pic! *lol*
Reference the side pic and add 100 lbs! :)

A Sense of Entitlement

About two weeks ago, President Bush spoke about limiting spending on government "entitlements" like Social Security and Medicare. I have some thoughts on that, but my mind began drifting to other "entitlements". Specifically, the overwhelming change in what children/teenagers today seem to think that they are "owed" or "entitled" to have.

I have no children, but I do speak from personal experience as I have nieces, nephews, godchildren and friends with children. I laugh with my 17 year old god daughter sometimes about how "old fashioned" she thinks I am. Well, if that's the worst term used to describe me, I'll take it. *lol*

A little about the way I grew up before we talk about the current generation of knuckleheads, oops, I mean teenagers. This is no critique of the parenting skills of anyone in particular, rather, just a commentary on my observations. I grew up as the only child to the best damn parents in the world. They were childhood friends who grew up around the corner from each other and eventually married. My two families are really like one big family (see previous sentence: they grew up around the corner from each other *lol*). I'm the youngest grandchild by 13 years and the only female grandchild on one side AND I'm the oldest grandchild by 2 years on the other side. So, boys and girls, what does that say to you? Yep, ya girl was spoiled. But, in my defense, I was a wonderful kid and I deserved it. :) But, even I think there is a fine line between being spoiled and expecting everything to be handed to you on a silver platter.

Anyway, my childhood memories are varied and plentiful. My life had lots of structure and the most important thing that my parents instilled was that, "Education is essential. School is important, but there are life lessons to understand also." With that as out motto, the following were part of my life:

• Weekly chores like cleaning my room (ugh!), setting the table and feeding the dog.
• Weekly allowance based on the completion of those chores
• Family dinner, at the table, EVERY NIGHT
• Family game night, at least ONCE A WEEK
• Homework immediately after school
• Two hours of television per week. This was good, wholesome tv only. Shows like Our House, Little House on the Prairie, and of course, The Cosby Show.

In talking to friends and family recently, everyone stares in open mouth shock at the last household rule. I accepted it for what it was and I never wished for more because tv was secondary, or even tertiary to family and learning. So, the things that I learned growing up still mean an awful lot to me. Their teachings and the things we shared were primary to everything else. I learned that time had a value, that tv was "mindless entertainment", and that I had to work for the things I wanted.

Anyway, back to my god daughter, let's call her Teen. Teen is complaining because she has run out of minutes for her cell phone. What da hell? It's only the 10th of the Month and you've already used 250 minutes? Who in da hell are you talking to? That was the first question that came to mind, but I as I thought more about it, all I could do was compare it to the way I grew up.

• I was only allowed to call family until I was 10
• Always had to use the kitchen phone (so as not to get too comfortable)
• Finally got an extension in my room at 15 (HALLELUJAH!)
• No calls after 9pm or my father would embarrass the hell out of me
• Got my own phone number the summer after my first year in college, because I was old enough to have "private" conversations and pay my own bill
• Got my first cell phone at 24
• Still use less than 500 minutes a month

She laughs when I tell her these things and says, "Well, times were different then. My moms had to get me a cell phone. Everyone has cell phones nowadays. She knows wassup. I need my phone. It's like a hugh school requirement." Huh? So, somewhere along the way, food, clothing, shelter and support weren't enough? Cells phones were added to the "Needs" list? Did I miss that memo?

Teen actually had the nerve to be mad at her mother for not buying her more minutes until December 1. She threw a fit and has refused to speak to her mother. She asked me to buy them and couldn't understand why I wouldn't. I suppose to make the godmother waters smooth, I should have given in, but I have an objection to the demands of this generation. They seem to want and expect more and more to be handed to them without working for or earning it. Yes, Teen gets straight A's, but that's why she gets a better than average allowance, access to the family wagon (only has to gas it) and a new IPOD for making Dean's list for 6 consecutive quarters.

It seems that kids are feeling that if it exists, then it should be given to them. What do ya'll think? What changed? Is it the parents? Is the music, the media, etc? I think the basics should still apply and be taugh - rules are in place for a reason, work hard and your work will pay off. As a child, I expected that my parents would give me some (ok, most) of the things that I asked for, usually on my birthday and at Christmas time. Other "rewards" were in place when I achieved something. Sold the most Girl Scout Cookies - the new Kool Moe Dee tape. Performed in a piano recital and took 2nd place - a new Cabbage Patch Doll. A tantrum and a breakdown because I was in the store and wanted a new Polly Pocket doll - a new ass whoopin! Maybe I'm wrong, but that sense of entitlement makes my blood boil.

What's done in the dark...

I had a conversation with my grandmother, who I've nicknamed LouLou, yesterday morning. A little about LouLou - she's 80, moved from South Carolina to New York when she was 17, is the oldest of 9, and the matriarch of my family. Nothing goes down without her having a hand in it or an opinion on it. Our convo went a little something like this:

Me: Hey LouLou.
LouLou: Hey baby.
Me: Why do you sound so tired?
LouLou: I stayed up all night.

*shaking my head because she's normally in the bed by 8:30pm*
Me: All night? Why were you up all night? What's wrong?
LouLou: I had too. I was watching the CNN channel and listening for 'dem election numbers.
Me: Lou, but why did you need to stay up all night?
LouLou: Well, I stays up all night for every election now. You remember what happened the last time I went to sleep. I laid down and felt good that the Gore man was gonna be the president and woke up to dem saying it was Bush. So, I stay up now and watch the CNN to make sure they ain't doing nothing funny.

All I could do was shake my head and laugh. I laughed because her interpretation of shady politics was funny to me. I shook my head because at times, like in the aftermath of the 2000 election, the state of politics in the U.S. is sad. I remember waking up the morning after the election and hearing that contrary to earlier reports, George W. Bush had actually won Florida and was now the President Elect. I was shocked, horrified and disgusted all in one moment. I was 24 at the time and my trust in the political system was irrevocably shattered. I'm going to become more politically active. Yeah, I voted, but there's more to be done. It's time for me to put up or shut up. Long live democracy!!

Then and Now Meme

In an effort to get my creative juices flowing and let ya'll get to know me a little better, I snagged this off the site of some fellow bloggers:

Then aka 1996 AND Now aka 2006

1) How old were you?

THEN: 20

NOW: 30

2) Where did you work?

THEN: As a student, at a big university in Virginia *lol*

NOW: For a federal agency

3) Where did you live?

THEN: Medium town, Virginia

NOW: Northeast Washington, DC

4) How was your hairstyle?

THEN: My hair was just past my shoulders and being the typical college girl, I usually rocked a ponytail

NOW: Cut it recently and it's a little longer than Halle Berry

5) Did you wear contacts?

THEN: Nope

NOW: Nope

6) Did you wear glasses?

THEN: I owned some, but I could never find 'em to wear 'em

NOW: Yep, still need 'em for driving

7) Who was your crush?

THEN: My then boyfriend (current hubby)

NOW: Gotta tell ya, I'm still crushing on my hubby. He shows me something a little different each day.

8) Which of your pets were still alive?

THEN: No pets.

NOW: Uh, nah. I don't do pets. I like dogs and will kick it with other people's dogs, but no pets for me

9) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?

THEN: MJ

NOW: that same dude, MJ

10) Who was your celebrity crush?

THEN: I can't remember.

NOW: No real celeb crush, but I'd love to meet Prince and Denzel

11) How many piercings did you have?

THEN: 3

NOW: 3

12) How many tattoos did you have?

THEN: None.

NOW: Still none. Doesn't appeal to me

13) What was your favorite band/singer?

THEN: Wow, it would have to be the Fugees. "The Score" came out in February of 1996 and every party that spring was rockin' Ready or Not and Fu-Gee-La. Damn I miss them. GET IT TOGETHER LAURYN!! WE MISS YOU!

NOW: I've always loved Ms. Mary J, but lately, I'm reintroducing myself to all her albums and LOVING HER EVEN MORE.

14) Had you smoked a cigarette?

THEN: As my girl Whitney would say, "H*ll to the Naw!" My asthmatic *ss would be laid up in the hospital somewhere

NOW: Same as above

15) Had you gotten drunk?

THEN: Uh, yeah, I was in college *lol*. With lots of white folks!

NOW: I may sip a drink if out with my girlfriends, but I haven't been drunk in about 8 years

16) What kind of car did you drive?

THEN: *lmao* a navy blue, Suzuki station wagon that sounded like a big #ss lawn mower coming down the street

NOW: a VW Passat

17) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?

Sort of.

I thought I'd be married to MJ - CHECK! Thought I'd have a child - UNCHECK!Thought I'd make more money - UNCHECK! Thought I'd have finished writing my first book - UNCHECK! So, my focus is to keep my marraige strong, keep pressing on in my career, have a baby and finish my book. :)

It's a little scary here in the Blog World!

Hey all!

Well, I've been debating starting a blog for the last 3 to 4 months. I've been reading so many blogs, sometimes I can't keep everyone straight. *lol* Over the last 2 months, I've started to comment on the sites of my favorite bloggers. All the while, building up my nerve to start my own blog. So, without any fanfare, here I am!

I have to admit - being here in Blog Land is a bit unnerving. I've decided to just journal my thoughts and random moments from my life. So, welcome to my little corner of the Blog World. Maybe you'll visit again and share some conversation.

TDJ